Only Now
April 17, 2026
My mother died a year ago. In the haze of dealing with the suddenness of it, the grief, and arranging the funeral logistics, Mother’s Day passed by blindly. Luckily, I happened to speak with my mom the night before her passing, during which she seemed perfectly fine.
A few months later, a friend‘s husband also died quite unexpectedly. This really shook up me and my daughters, as my husband—their father—is a few years older than he was.
After the initial shock from these two events, we subtly transformed to become more keenly aware of our time on this planet, our actions, our decisions, and our appreciation of life and each other. The change is apparent in the daily choices we make. We are living our best lives and connecting better as a family than we ever have before.
What are we doing that’s different? Just a few subtle yet powerful things. Like not being afraid—to try new things, meet new people and eat new foods, to experiment and fail, to attempt something bold we never would have before, to travel without the endless planning that we used to do. In short—to be spontaneous and adventurous. After all, our time on this planet is short, and while there are bad things happening in the world, there is also good—even great things to be found. Rather than wallowing in the negative, we enjoy the beauty that’s around us and the companionship of good folk—they are out there.
Last fall, we took my younger daughter off to college in Leeds, England. From there, we went to visit my niece in Amsterdam who we hadn’t seen in fifteen years! Why did it take so long to make that happen? Life—i.e., putting our heads down, working, saving, never quite having enough to justify such an expense (after all, there’s WhatsApp and FaceTime for video calls). And, as you may know if you’ve been following me, I lost my job shortly after my mom’s passing. But thankfully, due to support through a GoFundMe to help get my daughter off to college, and funds from my mom’s effects to allow for travel, we made it happen.
Since I spent the effort, time and money to cross two oceans and one continent to get to the UK, I also visited a handful of other countries in Europe after settling my daughter at university. I never did the post-college backpack blitz across Europe, so for me, it was all so new and different—an eye-opening, soul-awakening, life-affirming cultural and culinary immersion. To stroll the grand boulevards taking in the centuries-old architecture (where everything looks like a castle or church!), gazing up at the countless larger-than-life statues in every plaza, delighting in the unparalleled cuisine, conversing in foreign languages with new acquaintances (with a bit of help from Google Translate when needed).
Anyhow, our new take on life seems to be working. I hear it and see it in my daughter’s video messages she sends me from Leeds. She writes poetry — even shares it at local open-mike venues, discusses philosophy with students from all over the world while taking short trips to European cities that are only a hop skip from the UK.
I am channeling this new spirit into my artwork, using methods, materials, and subjects I haven’t explored before. It is a new path, and I love where it’s leading me. The moments we think we’ll remember forever fade faster than we expect — the memories of the people we love, our loyal pets, the everyday scenes that shape a life. Creating art is one way to honor them.
If you’d like to order a hand-painted portrait for Mother’s Day, now is the time. Because each piece takes care and time to create, I can only take a limited number of orders. Send me a photo you cherish — of your mom, your child, your pet, or a special moment like an engagement or wedding — and I would be honored to turn it into a hand painted tribute.
Hand-painted self portrait of artist and mother Toni Parras © Toni Parras